D&C

Went in for the D&C yesterday. Wasn't sure what to expect but the nurses and doctors at Christ really made an awful situation as comfortable as they could. The procedure was scheduled for 7:45am so we had to be there at 6:15, which means we had to wake up at around 5. I hate early mornings and the only time I ever look forward to getting up that early is when we're leaving for vacation. This experience killed my love of waking up early.

When we got to the hospital, they checked in me, had me change in to a gown and then the nurse asked me tons of questions. You know, the norm - how far along were you, have you had any bleeding, are you a diabetic, etc. etc. They checked my temp and my blood pressure and then the good drugs doctor came in (the anesthesiologist??) and asked me even more questions. The nurse hooked up my IV and put a sea-sick patch behind my ear to help with the anesthesia. Then came the good drugs - the ones that the nurse promised would make me feel like I was on a cruise. Guess what, they didn't make me feel like I was on a cruise but they did make me forget the pain for a few minutes.

They wheeled me in to surgery and covered me with warm blankets and socks and the last thing I remember was telling my OBGYN that the next time around, I was coming in to his office for ultrasounds every week. He agreed and then I was out. I bet he thinks I won't remember his agreement but I'll remember. I'll remember.

The next thing I know, I was slowly waking up in recovery. My mouth was dry, my throat hurt and I wasn't pregnant anymore. We were home by 11am. 5 hours later and we were home. I much prefer my previous visit to Christ where I stayed for days, had my stomach cut open but got to leave with an amazingly beautiful baby boy.

The last 48 hours have been rough. The hospital sent home information on miscarriages and a memory box for anything baby-related. When we were at the hospital, I had to sign paperwork on what I would like done with the ashes of the "baby." the tissue is sent to pathology for testing and then to a local cemetery for cremation. Was this okay or did we want something else done with the ashes? We chose not to keep them - now all I can do is question whether or not that was the right decision. My dr told Andrew that he didnt find much tissue in there during the procedure so this just validated our decision to move forward with the D&C. I don't know what I should believe - was there ever a "baby" or just tissue that didn't form much further? If it was just tissue, I'm okay with the hospital's plan. If there was a "baby" I feel like we need to call and reverse our decision so we can bring the baby with us. Either way, I just wish I didn't have to think about it anymore.

I'm going to go now - bed time is rough so I think I'll take a klonopin and hope it washes my worries away for awhile.